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Duck!—The
Carbine High Massacre review by Lee Peterson
Yawn. The media hand-wringing and tongue-clucking got so completely out of hand that TV advertising was pulled for Idle Hands (a teen horror/comedy that didnt even have guns in it), and paranoid producers changed the title of Killing Mrs. Tingle to Teaching Mrs. Tingle (a little more pro-active, but the movie still sucked). It was only a matter of time before someone got down off their high horse and capitalized on the tragedy. Thank god that a couple of kids from New Jersey (who look like they understand how it feels to be high school outcasts) beat Hollywood to the punch. Though fictionalized, this shot-on-video feature follows the Columbine chain of events pretty closely, and after seeing the story again, you have to wonder, "Why doesnt this shit happen more often?". Derek (Joey Smack) and Durwin (William Hellfire) are trenchcoat-wearing outcasts who spend their downtime (when theyre not getting beaten up by their jock classmates) reading Nazi literature and buying weapons on the Internet. They drink cheap liquor, they listen to nihilistic music, and they bitch about school and their parents (in other words, theyre normal teenagers!). Their oblivious parents (in a nice twist, Stephen Harris and Pamela Anne play both sets) drop in from time to time to yell, and never seem to notice the swastikas on the walls or the guns the boys are stockpiling. After Durwin is tossed a particularly nasty beating by the schoolyard thugs, our loveable misfit heroes form a suicide pact, and plan to blow away as many of their teen tormentors as they can before they die in a blaze of glory (hey, its just crazy enough to work!). Along the way are some pretty funny swipes at school and religion (Misty Mundae as the vapid "Bible Girl" is a standout, constantly looking for someone--anyone, to attend her Christian Youth Group meetings). Duck! The Carbine High Massacre is a dark, funny cautionary tale (but in a good way) that should be required viewing in every high school (and how the hell did they get permission to shoot this in a real school?). Yes, it lacks in technical polish, but it more than makes up for it in balls. You wont find Duck! at your local Lackluster, er, Blockbuster Video, and you sure wont run across it on the Lifetime Channel, so if you wanna see it, order it RIGHT NOW from: OFFICIAL
WEB SITE: or: Factory 2000 Dept. DUCK! P.O. Box 447 Ringwood, NJ 07456
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Were
you really surprised that the major media completely missed the
boat with its coverage of the Columbine High School massacre? Instead
of looking for possible reasons why two kids would walk into their
high school armed to the teeth and lay waste to their high school
tormentors (i.e. inattentive parents, easy access to guns, or possibly
the psychotropic drugs the boys were prescribed), the media blamed
video games and movies. Rather than examining the high school social
structure that celebrated the popular, Christian jock/bullies and
ostracized the "brainy outsiders", the media blamed Doom and The
Matrix (none of the "good" kids in the school saw The Matrix
or played video games, no doubt).
