VALENTINE
A Warner Bros. release 

review by Joseph B. Mauceri

SYNOPSIS: A junior high school Valentine¹s Day Dance is the backdrop for a betrayal of an awkward boy by five young girl friends. About ten years later, a ³mysterious² stranger in a cupid mask has decided to creatively dispatch the quintet, plus quite a few others who get in the way. VALENTINE tries to demonstrate that love just doesn¹t hurt, it can kill.

REVIEW: There are three good things about VALENTINE: the trailer, the opening sequence and the performances. The sum of which does not justify the hefty price of an opening weekend ticket.

Director Jamie Banks also directed the horror thriller ³Urban Legends,² another film that wasn¹t going to win any awards. However, the cinematic narrative in that instance was more linear and cohesive. At a junior high Valentine dance four girls reject the geek. When ³the boys² catch the fifth, the ³fat² chick, necking with him she cries wolf. The boys beat the crap out of him and the geek is sent to a mental hospital. I don¹t know about you, but I would kill the boys who beat me up and have a bit more fun with the girls. That would mean this film would make some semblance of sense. Lots of red-herrings results in characters that come and go. Others are found later murdered, so just never show up again. The audience and myself were more interested in the disappearing characters then those that were murdered.

VALENTINE is all about scare, of the funhouse variety. The recent worries that the government my step in and impose stricter legislation on films of this nature results in an emasculated mess. The effect sequences leave practically everything to the imagination, with the bloodier moments appearing rather dry.  There was more gore and on screen violence in the comedy ³Scary Movie.² One of the all time greatest special effects studios, KNB EFX Group, known for their remarkable sequences only has a credit for the cupid mask design.

Enough is enough. VALENTINE ¯ good book (don¹t believe me, just visit amazon.com) bad movie, and wasted performances. By the third act, the audience turned the film into a comedy as they commented on all the obvious flaws. Not even David (Angel) Boreanaz can save this abysmal from the slaughter of the audience and critics.
 

OFFICIAL WEB SITE:
http://valentinemovie.warnerbros.com/

BACK