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HOUSE
OF 1000 CORPSES review by Joseph B. Mauceri
REVIEW: There is good press, there is bad press, and the worst is no press at all Writing this review is against my better judgment, but let this serve as your warning. The question here is who is more in need of rescuing? The kids from this deranged family, the people who actually pay to see this schlock, or Rob Zombie's career, because he is solely responsible for this pornography. Yes, I used the "P" word. In fact, I think this is the first time in my career I've ever agreed with the Motion Picture Association of America. There is not one redeeming frame in this film. It is senseless, offensive, crud, and without one entertaining moment. Using his own money, and with only his music business manager to guide him, Zombie serves up an amorphous plot that "borrows" clichéd moments for legendary horror films, such as Tobe Hooper's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and Wes Craven's "Last House on the Left. The story is riddled with meaningless characters -- and it feels like a vehicle for Zombie's girlfriend/actress Sheri Moon (ED NOTE: the movie does have some great booty shots of her)--, pointless crude jokes, and the only thing missing is a cameo by the director/writer. Zombie directs the majority of his music videos. However, directing a music video does not make one a feature film director. Especially when he is making his directorial debut without any support or guidance from a seasoned producer or a studio. 1000 CORPSES is a collection of scenes, each shot in a different style, that plays more like a feature reel (something a hopeful director would show to somebody in order to get a directing gig). On top of that, there are sequences that lack any editing style -- which could be due to the fact that there were four editors on the film -- and is simply a vulgar waste of film. One shot in particular involves a crane shot sequences where one of the crazies murders a cop. It's pointless. Oh, and as a fan of Zombie's music, where the hell was his score in this film? The saddest ramification this piece of offensive cinema might have is in derailing Rob Zombie's film career. Hear me out before you go jumping down my throat. Again, I like his music videos and they show he can handle himself behind a camera. Plus, I had the opportunity to read a screenplay he wrote called "The Crow 2030: An Age of Gods & Monsters." It was a brilliant screenplay, far superior to any of "The Crow" films since the original, and an outstanding genre story. (It's a shame the owners of the franchise feel compelled to follow a formula when they tell a new story in the series.) So why is 1000 CORPSES such a bad film? Zombie is unbridled, and like I kid on the loose in the proverbial candy store, in the throws of a sugar high, the film is simply self-serving, masturbatory cinema. I saw this film with two friends, both horror fans. The theater was about half filled (ED NOTE: ACTUALLY there were 8 people in the theater, including us.). Ten minutes into the film the exodus began. When the lights came up, we were the only people in the theater. As we left, dazed and confused, one of the ushers saw us and remarked, "Whoa, you're the first people to actually sit through the whole movie Was it worth it?" To which one of my friends replied, "Well, it cost me ten-dollars, but that's two hours of my life I'll never have back." OFFICIAL
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SYNOPSIS:
A few days before Halloween, four college kids pull into a roadside
gas station that is also a fried chicken shack and oddity/horror
fun house ride. One of kids is interested in this roadside attraction
for a book he is writing, so they all end up on the "fifty-cent-tour"
of Captain Spaulding's House of Horrors. Among the usual myths and
urban legends, the tour features a local favorite, Dr. Satan. As
the story goes, this head doctor of a psychiatric facility experimented
on his patients. When the locals found out they lynched him. They
came back the next day for the body, but it was gone. Their morbid
curiosity leads the kids on a quest to find the tree. They never
make it as they fall prey to these homicidal maniacs that are the
Adams' family meets the Manson family, with a trailer-park trash
sensibility.